Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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