i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
