Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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