You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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