you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
