I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
