come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
