I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
