Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
