i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After tacos, we're chasing women.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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