apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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