Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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