i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
