its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
