she was so not down for the gang bang
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
