I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
