something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
