Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
