She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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