Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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