Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
