OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
