I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize