My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
