i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
