Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
