Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
