Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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