they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
