What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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