She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
