How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My dick has a subreddit
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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