You're my little dorito
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
