hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
