For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
