He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
