He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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