I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
