New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
