Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
