When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
