i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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