Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
