he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
