Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
