You really coming over, don't trick.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize