Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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