yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
