I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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