i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize