i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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