i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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