i don't like sucking hair
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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