He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
