My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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