My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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