then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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