using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
