he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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