maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
only you would photoshop your dick
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
