if i can run in heels then i can drive
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize