Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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