Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
