I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
