All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
