I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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