didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
