I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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