Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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