I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
