So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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