I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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