he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
