stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
