At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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