I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
